I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
