girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize