And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
