He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
