Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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