I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
