I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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