I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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