Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
