if you like me you must not know who I am
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
