we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
