is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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