woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
