I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
