This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we're making bets on your personal life
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
