We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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