dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
