you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just found puke in my bra..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
