i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
