I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize