im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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