Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
