I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
