I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
