Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
