Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
