the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
50% drunk capacity currently
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
