So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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