I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
