Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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