Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
