I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
