If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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