So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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