Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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