True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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