First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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