u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
