a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
