They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
