great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
thus making me awesome and them whores
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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