Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
