I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
