The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
