Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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