My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.