i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The convent might be a nice break from real life