Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.