Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.