If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
