guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
