pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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