Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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