you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
