I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
