So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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