hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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