I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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