The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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