and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
