Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
