I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
