friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
