I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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