i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
