my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
