Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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