I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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