I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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