i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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