That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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