Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
