Whats the glycemic index on semen?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
