When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
