Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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