Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
