Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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