He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
