You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
