smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
