hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You smell like stripper and shame
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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