Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
